Just one more day and 2016 will be finally over. I know of quite of few people who cannot wait to bid adieu to this year, myself included. Was 2016 really that atrocious? Well maybe, atrocious is not the right word, but it was ‘trying’ to say the least. Keeping American election votes and Indian currency notes aside for a moment, I want to look at 2016, or the year that was as candidly as possible, ofcourse from an immensely personal perspective.
The year that was 2016
2016 tried my patience on multiple fronts. I was/am sick almost every month, I spent most of my savings, my job was just meh, even when it consumed most of my time and energy. I just made half a jewelry collection this entire year, sold next to nothing, my creative work was abysmal and I was utterly depressed. I spent most of my time in pointless negotiations, pissed off a lot of folks and as if all that wasn’t enough crashed my blog, computer, and phone. I now have a phone with no prior data, a computer with no software, and a blog which has to be redone one post at a time. The Stars and the planets are out of control, or in retrograde and not in my favour (according to my family, astrologer, my doctors and several others). Like I said, 2016 was a trying year for me, no kidding.
I had some really good times too, in 2016. I travelled a lot. I stayed at a classy luxury resort at Coorg, I did a Temple tour of Kanchipuram and yes visited four different states in North America. I saw paintings of art movements I adore, posed for selfies with my idols, gazed at fireworks at Disneyworld, ans spent time and money on myself. I attended a literary fest, attended four worshops at Beadfest and won two prizes for my Kolu on Storytelling. I learned makeup from a Cosmetologist, lighting from an exceptional photographer and traditional Indian Hair ornaments from an expert. I tried cooking lots of new dishes and spent a lot of time with my parents.
I went out a lot more than I usually do – for movies, for shopping, to cafes. I read a lot of books for fun and a lot more for work. I moved my blog to WordPress with self-hosting. I was published thrice in Jewelry Stringing and I collaborated with atleast 4 jewelry and craft brands. I designed and made a dozen Bridal jewelry sets. In the meanwhile, I also organised three different celebrations with multiple competitions at work and designed banners and posters for them.
I fulfilled most of my 2014, 2015, and 2016 resolutions.
Strangely enough, when I think of this past year, I feel empty. I do not seem to remember anything that I learned, read or did. I forgot the joy I felt at Disneyworld or the terror I felt on the mummy ride at Universal. I was and am unable to craft the ideas that came to my head and could not finish the projects that I started. I do not remember the passion I had while attending workshops or while I was travelling. I feel numb recollecting the pain, the tiredness, and the discomfort I experienced throughout the year along with all the of hospital visits, the medicines, and added the depression that it brought about. At the most, I feel irritated that I am too remorseful and guilty for ending things that were going nowhere and were just causing me pain.
In introspection, I figured out why I do not remember anything or feel blank – the good had balanced or cancelled out the bad leaving an empty slate. I had been fiddling, probably as Nero did when Rome Burnt – just to distract myself as a coping mechanism. As I had gone through a similar phase before in my life I knew how to deal with it.
As I was writing this post, I came across, the above poem by JRR Tolkiens (From the Lord of the Rings) and the second line struck a chord with me. “Not all those who wander are lost”. Maybe I am lost, maybe I am not. Maybe, I am jealous of all the over achievers around me, the ones who are way above “settled in life”. I do not have any resolutions for 2017 and while that scares me shitless I know believe that I will dream up a plan soon. I am going to push all the negativity aside and hope that I’ll be better, do better for me and for others around me.
At the moment, I am glad for all the good times I have had and thankful for all the lessons the painful ones taught me. I am grateful for my mom’s hugs and dad’s smiles and the way they support me everyday. I am thankful for my students’ company and the job that helps me pays for everything. Last but not the least, I am beholden for the opportunity to write without the fear of being judged and for the encouragement and support of my readers.
On that note, I take leave of you this year with a promise of meeting you all next year with a tutorial ofcourse, as it the JOS way. Wishing you all a very, very Happy New year, May 2017 help you fulfill all your needs, wants and dreams.
With Warm Wishes
Cheers
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